Homework tips:
This can be the most stressful thing of all for a family!
-Set aside homework time for EVERYONE. Even if one kid doesn’t have homework, he uses this time to read or study. It preferably should be 4-5 or 4-6 in the hours before dinner, so that after dinner time is down time. But, if there are activities to go to, it may have to be after dinner on some days. Whatever it works out to be, make homework time a scheduled event, and stick to it. Parents can sit with kids and do office work or pay bills or read a magazine, but be available in case anyone has questions or needs help.
-If your child needs help on a regular basis and is not achieving the good grades you know he can, consider hiring a tutor. It is extremely stressful on the parent to try to teach. It can be detrimental to your relationship with your child. Back off and let someone else handle it if you can.
-keep a homework cupboard at home stocked with paper, writing instruments, colored pencils and markers, poster board, glue, stapler, folders, report covers, extra cartridges for the computer, etc. This will save you last minute runs to the store for supplies.

Getting Dinner on the Table tips:
-On high-stress evenings where you are spending more time in the car than the kitchen, plan on take-out.
-Whenever you cook, double the recipe, and freeze whatever is left over for an additional quick meal.
-Keep a stock of staples in the kitchen so you can whip something up on a moment’s notice Spaghetti, sauce, tuna, rice, frozen peas, refrigerator biscuits, etc.
-ask for help. Assign everyone a job. Delegate. It’s not all up to Mom!

Getting Kids to Bed tips:
-it’s all about routine! Follow a regime leading up to bedtime, the warm bath, the brushed teeth, the story, the prayers, the goodnight. For older kids it will vary, but only slightly. Some rules are hard and fast: no phone after 9, no TV after 10. They’ll be so bored that they’ll go to sleep!

Here’s how to find your own joy this holiday season, despite the hectic pace and those silver bells ringing in your ears:

1. Ask yourself: What do I WANT to do? You don’t have to do EVERYTHING! If you enjoy baking and handing out homemade cranberry bread makes you happy, do that. But if hanging holiday lights is a big hassle, skip it – it’s not worth the aggravation. Remember that you have a choice here. There’s no law that says that the holidays have to be any particular way.
2. Ask yourself: What is important to me? Keep things in perspective. There’s a lot of pressure to go and do and it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind this time of year. But if it is important to you to spend some quiet time alone with your family, then it’s okay to forgo some of those office/school/neighborhood parties. Or if you feel it’s important to participate in a church fund-raiser, you may choose to say no to chaperoning a school field trip.
3. Ask yourself: What do I love about this season? If you love being with family and friends, you may want to throw a party. Do you love the smells of the season? Fill your home with cinnamon sticks and pine-scented candles.
4. Ask yourself: What bothers me about this time of year? If you hate shopping and facing the crowds and parking problems, try shopping online and having everything wrapped and sent. Or come up with your own creative solutions – get everyone on your list a book that you think they would enjoy, then your whole task can be done in one trip to one store!
5. Ask yourself: What would make this easier on me? Delegate! Have your babysitter wrap presents for you when the kids are in bed so you and your hubby can have a night out. Have hubby sign and address the holiday cards this year. Have the kids put up the decorations (and be happy with exactly how they do it!) Remember, everyone makes his own happiness – it’s your responsibility to make yourself happy. And when you’re happy, it helps to lift the mood for everyone.

If a teen is having problems talking with his parent, he may look for another adult to fill in the communication gap, to kind of act as a translator. This might be a friend’s parent, a teacher, or a counselor. It’s a good idea to know who your teen talks with so you can start to understand.

What can a parent do? 1. Be available. There’s a lot to be said for quantity time over quality time – 2. Don’t make judgements. Listen first and give advice only if and when asked. 3. Be honest. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” sometimes, your teen will respect you for that. 4. Be an example. Don’t expect your teen to do as you say and not as you do. Have manners, don’t interrupt, etc.

Listening is a key component in the communication equation, and teens really do want to be able to open up and talk with their parents. Too often they avoid talks with parents because they turn into lectures. Remember that listening is active, not passive. Really take in what you are being told, rather than thinking about what you are going to say next.

One thing that we can do is to acknowledge all the feelings that are going on. Open up discussion expressing your own feelings. “I feel sad that Snowy is gone, I feel mad that she had to die, I feel lonely without her, I feel scared about getting another pet because I don’t want to feel this bad again, I feel…”

Also, express that although the pet is not with you physically, she will always be in your hearts and in your memories. Talk about funny stories that your pet participated in. Talk about pets you had as a child and how you still remember them today. Help your child to understand that death is actually a part of life.

And, help the child experience some closure. Mark a special place in your backyard as a tribute to your pet – maybe paint the pet’s name on a rock and place it beneath a tree. Say a prayer and express gratitude that this wonderful animal was a part of your family and that you were able to learn and grow from having her with you.

I think the best way to tell kids about death is to tell them about life. Explain that death is a part of life. Everything changes, everything grows, everything is a part of a cycle of living and growing and dying to become new again. For younger kids, the movie “The Lion King” is a good way to open up conversations about death. The song “The Circle of Life” has some great ways to help children understand the impermanence of the physical.

An analogy to use with children is that of the seed. When the seed grows, it dies to become a sprout. The sprout dies to become the plant. The plant grows flowers, which die to produce more seed. And on it goes. And it is comforting for children to realize that although the flower is not there in physical form, the memory of the flower remains. And the product of the flowers life, the new seed, goes on to produce more beauty and touch the lives of more people.

Get some help: Remember that you are one person juggling TWO jobs now – at work and at home. Do what any smart executive would do – delegate! The hubby and kids can take on more responsibilities at home. You may decide to use part of your income on hiring some help, a housekeeper or gardener, so that you can enjoy some down-time when you are home.

Give yourself credit: You may feel overwhelmed by all the new technology and stuff at the office – but whatever the job is, during your work hours you have only to think of doing that job. Remember all the multi-tasking that you do at home, on a regular basis, and in comparison this “job” is a piece of cake!

You are the example: When your kids get resentful, remind them, and yourself, that everyone has his own life to lead. You are setting a good example for your children and they will have great respect for you for being your own person instead and doing what you need to do for you and for the family.

There are alternatives to actually giving birth. Both adoption and foster parenting allow families to enjoy the benefits that a large household brings, while alleviating a financial burden to society and bringing love and security to children already here who need a home, a place to grow.

How can we avoid spoiling our kids?
1) When you say “no,” stick to it! Kids learn pretty quickly which buttons to push to wear a parent down. Don’t be manipulated! If your child whines and cries in public until you give him the candy or whatever to keep him quiet, the next time he’ll only whine and cry louder or longer to get the same thing. His “strategy” worked before and he’ll try it again!

2) Teach kids to think “How can I help?” rather than “What’s in it for me?” Teach giving both things and deeds by getting involved in community service. Have him pack up old toys and books for charity, take him with you to deliver them. This lets him see that his efforts make a difference and that there is something out there bigger than himself. And it gives more value to the many things that he has.

This is an especially good idea over the holidays, when there are more opportunities to GIVE! Have kids donate old toys to charity, have them pick out and wrap new toys for organizations like Manna that distribute gifts to needy families. Have kids start thinking more “other” directed thoughts than focusing on the commercials and catalogs that we’re bombarded with during this time of year.

3) Have the family work towards a goal as a team. Agree upon the goal beforehand, a trip to Disneyland or a pizza party or whatever--Set up a jar in the kitchen--Deposit a token in the jar (either a penny or a marble or whatever) whenever a family member does something special. This could be getting a good grade on a test, washing the dishes without being asked, helping a neighbor with her groceries, etc. Parents can get marbles for their good deeds, too. This is positive reinforcement, so don’t take tokens out as punishment, they can only go in. When the jar is filled, the family earns its reward and you start with a new jar!

4) Allow your child to do things on his/her own. Kids can be spoiled not just by getting too many things, but by having too many things done for them. There’s an old proverb: “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” My Real Parenting proverb is “Give a kid a bowl of cereal and he eats breakfast. Teach him to make breakfast and you can sleep in on Saturdays!” Story: Freddy pouring milk, taught him to make Pop Tarts. Doing things on his own gives a child a sense of accomplishment. These are little successes that add up to good self-esteem. Encourage independence!

5) Three things that can never spoil a child: 1. Affection: Warmth, praise, hugs, kisses, “I love yous” 2. Attention: Interest in his activities, eye-contact, conversation, “being there” physically, mentally, emotionally for your child. And 3. Time: Quality time and also quantity time. Whether it’s going to a movie, grocery shopping or hanging out at home, this is how you get to know your child and what is going on in his life.

The best thing about this alliance is that both parties LISTEN. This is essential, because both parties are at a place in their lives where they desperately want to be HEARD! Parents easily tire when their child goes on and on day after day, usually with the same stories over and over again. The child’s experiences are limited, and they actually learn from re-telling stories, and enjoy recounting things that have happened to them. Grandparents are in a similar situation. They have LOTS of experiences that they want to share, but their own grown children, now parents themselves, are too busy or too involved in their current situations to listen. The grandkids are a captive audience! Grandparents love to hear of their grandchildren’s adventure, and grandchildren love that someone is talking with them without lecturing.

A grandparent plays a very special role in the child’s life. He or she doesn’t have to be a “friend” or advisor, they merely have to be there. Whether it is in person, or on the phone, it’s comforting for the child to have that kind of connection to someone who is purely loving and accepting of them.

There are all different types of grandparents, each one is unique, and each one has something special to offer. The best thing that grandparents can do for their grandchildren is to be themselves. Don’t try to live up to some “ideal” of what a grandparent “should” be… just love and be loved.

Some tips for grandparents to develop closer bonds with grandkids:
-Attend school events, weekend games. Participate in your grandchild’s life. If you’re far away, send postcards, photos, e-mail back and forth.
-Share your own joys with your grandkids, whether it’s gardening, stamp-
collecting, music, whatever!
-Have a common “project” – adopt an animal at the zoo that you can visit, or
work on jigsaw puzzles together, or take an art class together, etc
from long distance you can read a book together - get copies for each of you and read over speakerphone. Have each of you making quilt squares and then piece them together into one quilt. Start a blank book- fill up a few pages and mail it back and forth with art, jokes, cartoons, etc.
-Find your own special time, or special place. Maybe it’s a phone call every
Saturday morning if you live far away, or a walk to the duck pond every visit
if you live closer.

I'm the spokesperson for the Better Sleep Council:

 http://www.bettersleep.org